


My Meiosis

by tomatopudding



Category: Scrubs
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-17
Updated: 2011-04-17
Packaged: 2017-10-19 19:01:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/204197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomatopudding/pseuds/tomatopudding
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A normal day in the life of JD the chromosome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Meiosis

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N:** For biology, we had to write about meiosis in story format. So, of course, I wrote mine in the format of a Scrubs fanfic. I guess you could call it kind of a crack!fic. Also, this was written in tenth grade, so it's not my best piece of work.

It began on a normal day. I was just wandering around, taking care of the RNA messages and passing along the information. I was copying down a message when a loud beeping filled the air.

'Prepare for meiosis,' came a rumbling voice.

I looked around in confusion. Being new, I had no idea what protocol was like around here. A loud whistle reached my ears and I turned to see a fellow chromosome, and my mentor, Perry.

'Come on, Newbie, get over here.'

You're probably really confused right now so let me back up and explain. My name is JD and I am a chromosome. Even though I'm new to this cell, I already have a lot of friends.

My best friend is Turk. He was the first person I met when I first arrived, but had had to go on an assignment. The next person I met was Elliot. She was new like me and was trying to ask me for directions. Of course I didn't know, so we went off together and met up with a nice chromosome named Carla. She took Elliot and gave me directions to the head chromosome, Bob Kelso's, office. Kelso assigned Perry to show me the ropes. That's why I think of him as my mentor, even though he refuses to call me his protégé. Perry likes calling me "Newbie" and he often calls me by girls' names. "Carol" is his favorite.

It was on my first assignment that I met Janitor. Nobody knows what his real name is, but he cleans up after us so we call him Janitor. The door to one of the RNA receiving rooms was stuck, and I suggested that there might be a penny stuck in it. He took that as a threat and when there turned out to actually be a penny he blamed me and vowed to make my life in the nucleus a living hell.

So it was on this normal day a few weeks later that the announcement came to prepare for meiosis and I had no idea what to do. I followed Perry and we were soon joined by Elliot and Carla.

'JD, what's going on?' Elliot asked desperately.

I opened my mouth to tell her that I had no idea, but Perry spoke before I could.

'As much as I'd enjoy listening to you two chatter, Newbie, Barbie, now's the time to be quiet.'

Did I mention that Perry calls Elliot "Barbie"? He has nicknames for just about everyone. Elliot, Carla, Perry, and I joined the other 42 chromosomes all rushing towards the centre of the nucleus, among whom we found Turk, Janitor, The Todd (a friend of Turk's), Jordan (Perry's ex), Doug (aptly named "Nervous Guy"), and Ted.

'Stop!'

Kelso's voice rang out over the crowd and everyone stilled.

'We are nearing the end of Interphase,' Kelso called out, 'Prepare for doubling!'

I was going to ask what he meant by doubling when I felt a tingling in my centromere. From that small nub on my belly, something began to spear and expand like a balloon. When it separated, I saw myself. Literally. Standing in front of me was an exact replica of myself, down to the very last feature. I moved and arm and my double mirrored the movement.

'Whoa!'

When I spoke, the double spoke simultaneously. My double and I turned to face the others, who had replicas as well.

'This is weird!' I/We said.

'You get used to it, Bambi,' the Carlas replied.

'I finally have a shopping buddy!' the Elliots squealed.

'Not for long,' the Perrys told her/them, laughing as her/their face/s fell.

'Now entering Prophase!' Kelso's doubled voice called out.

The blurry film that usually separated the nucleus from the rest of the cell disappeared. All the other organelles were pushed aside as a large ball appeared at each end of the cell. Each fall had 64 string-like extremities attached to them.

'Those calls are called centrioles,' Turk explained, 'and the string things are called spindle fibers.'

'Thanks, CB.'

'No problem, VB.'

Turn and I sometimes call each other Chocolate Bear and Vanilla Bear. I'm not sure why, we just do.

'What happens now?' my double and I asked.

'We wait for Kelso to call the next phase,' answered the Carlas.

Just then, as if on cue, Kelso called out, 'Metaphase!'

'Line up,' the Perrys murmured, 'Facing your double.'

'Thanks,' I replied.

He/They grunted in response. We all lined up along the centre of the cell facing our doubles. Suddenly, I felt something hit the centromere on my back. Looking over my shoulder, I saw that one of the spindle fibers had latched on to me.

'Next up is Anaphase,' Perry said from my right.

'Don't fight the pull,' Turk suggested from my left.

I soon understood what Turk meant when I felt a tug at my back. I was soon moving quickly away from my double as the spindle fiber behind me shortened and pulled me towards one of the centrioles. I could see the centre of the cell begin got squish together until the sides met and we were now completely separated from our doubles.

'That was Telophase. The first part of meiosis is done,' Perry told me.

'We're in Interphase II. It gives us a few moments to rest before we go into the second half,' Carla added.

It was all very confusing to me, and probably even more so for Elliot who was standing behind me looking around worriedly. Suddenly, Kelso's voice was once more ringing over us.

'Prophase II, everyone, chop chop!'

Just like before, the centrioles and spindle fibers appeared at each pole of the cell. Already feeling like an old hand at this, I remembered what to do when Kelso called "Metaphase II". I lined up with everyone long the centre of the cell. This time, I was between Janitor and Doug the Nervous Guy. The almost familiar tug at my back that indicated a spindle fiber attaching to my centromere.

'What's going on?'

'Meiosis,' Janitor explained, not really explaining anything.

'But what about the doubles? We didn't make any doubles,' I said, starting to get a little worried.

'No doubles in meiosis, Scooter. We get split in half,' Janitor replied with a maniacal grin.

'W-wait,' Nervous Guy stuttered from my other side, 'w-will it hurt?'

'Of course,' Janitor told him happily, 'extremely, brutally painful.'

I vaguely heard Kelso call for Anaphase II when I felt a tugging from both spindle fibers. Janitor looked calm as can be, but Nervous Guy was shaking like a leaf. It wasn't painful, per se, but it was an odd feeling having my hips pulled from my waist and, suddenly, my bottom half was moving in the opposite direction, split right through my centromere. Once the cell had split completely in half in Telophase II, we were once again enclosed in a nuclear membrane. And so my story ends as it began, on a normal day.


End file.
